After the tremendously successful launch of 'ZERO BUSH REPORTS' on Blurt, all our dedicated office staff have now decided to not be as dedicated.
...the lazy bastards.
Not that it changes anything, in regards to the 'Zero Bush Reports' .
The in depth, serious, and amazingly revealing articles will continue as per usual.
These reports rely solely on the efforts one solitary penguin who sits in the corner of the office and smells of fish....
(as do many of the other 'non penguin' staff come to think of it....But that's not important right now).
What this means from now on - is that we'll be releasing a daily report of up-to-date world events - as they unfold !
.....(or whenever we feel like it).
The smelly penguin in the corner does love his deep penetration style reports - but due to time constraints and a recent development of him now having to make his own coffee , and with all that's happening in today's global chaos , his love of getting 'balls deep' into news stories and dissecting them more than a really dedicated student of dissection - is simply not possible.
To go so deeply into every juicy story, would entail working over 23 minutes a day, and that's simply a step too far.
....He likes his work so much - he even offered to work up to a full 35 minutes each day - but we had to decline his kind offer offer, on mental health grounds. Our mental health, that is... ._
What this means going forwards for our beloved loyal audience of 3, is this:
Zero bush report will continue as per normal - as long as the anti-social penguin in the corner gets his daily sardines.
(... 'cos if he doesn't get his fishy bits, everything'll be, like, totally fucked).
Zero Penetration Reports - sniffing at the juicy bits....
....This new format will be made up of a few short news article segments taken from news stories around the world - and then condensed into one short post of several thousand words an' piccies..... And gifs.....let's not forget the gifs .....We like gifs.
Here's some of our dedicated staff members who'll be working tirelessly* to present Zero Penetration Reports - sniffing at the juicy bits....
*No one in the office has a car, bike, or one of those silly two or three wheeled trikey things.
......you know, those scooters things that were once toy's for pre-adolescent kids, but are now driven by idiots in big cities who go to work on them ...(and who, ironically, are very similar to pre-adolescent kids).
....So yes - our staff are quite literally, tireless...
Due to our rapidly expanding readership (estimated to have reached 15 by 2029) we're now taking on staff to support our pretend hardworking team.
JOB VACANCIES !... APPLY NOW !
1/ GIF WIZARD.
We're looking for someone to tell us if it's possible to load gif's - with audio - onto Blurt (and what file format to use if it is).
This position is a temporary one .
Once we've extracted all the necessary details that we need, and sucked you dry of all your useful information- like a vampire sucking blood who's not fed for like, a reeeeeeally long time - you'll be gone....Outta the door...adios...
2/ @IONOMY WIZARD.
The position involves having a very close working relationship with the smelly penguin in the corner, and comes with lot's of fringe benefits...(especially if you're a hottie).
This key support role will involve telling the smelly penguin just how the fuck to transfer crypto from the @ionomy exchange -directly - into his private crypto wallet ....('cos he hasn't worked it out yet - or even if it's possible...).
He's suffering terrible stress at the moment by having to convert crypto into 'the token that shall not be named' (because it's even more smelly than a putrid fish) ....And then converting that into LTC, to go into his wallet...
This temporary position pays up to 5 Blurt (depending on results) .
Fringe benefits (depending on aesthetics) include free keep fit programs* and free food ! (if you like sardines).
Facilities include a not very large desk to run around, while being chased by a demented penguin...(Thus guaranteeing a strenuous, yet fun, cardio workout program).
@ajerkoff , @rycharde and @frot are not eligible for any of these positions due to 2 stroke disabilities, tranny issues, and..... some other stuff.
They ARE however, fully eligible to give me the all information that I need - because I'm good like that.
YODA'S DEEP THOUGHT OF THE DAY...